she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
