I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did I show you my penis last night?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
