The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
