I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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