I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
