Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
