tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
