I think my vagina is haunted
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
