just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
