I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it glows. i had to have it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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