Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i dont even know how to be here
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
