just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
