I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
