bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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