thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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