they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
