It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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