This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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