last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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