Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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