I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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