I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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