so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
