first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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