We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
