Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
