he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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