I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
