Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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