I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
