I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
