A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
smell my finger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
