So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
