I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
