I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
