I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
