those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
