And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
