I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
