Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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