Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
