soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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