Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
