I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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