Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
