I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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