Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
