New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
