im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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