I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
