its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
